Thank You, I'm Sorry, Please

One of the things I've learned at River Rock church from Pastor Jon is this framework for a prayer: "Thank you... I'm sorry... Please..."

I'd like to share my prayer tonight and hope that you'll join me in continuing to pray for Izzy and our family through this storm that we are still in the midst of.

Lord, thank you...

~Thank you for showing your presence to us in such a profound way through these past few weeks. Our lives have been flipped upside down since a few days before Christmas, but we know that you are in control and we can see your loving hand at work. Thank you that you have chosen to remove cancer from Izzy's body. We believe that you have performed a miracle before our eyes and we will never take it lightly.

~Thank you for giving us an amazing support system of family, friends, church and work. I am especially thankful today that Tom and I have both been able to start working normal hours again, and it feels really good to have some sense of "normal" back into our lives through our jobs. I am so thankful for the property management industry that we both work in... there are so many customers, co-workers and leaders within both of our companies who have become friends to us. Through this trial we are really seeing the character and love of so many people we work with. It was fun today to see a lot of my work friends, it was one of the best days that I've had in awhile! We are also so thankful for Susie, my parents, Allison and Debbie who are all involved in caring for our girls while we work. We don't like that Izzy can't go to Susie's daycare any more because she can't be around other kids, but we are grateful that you have given us other wonderful people to help take care of her.  

~Thank you for strengthening our family relationships through this trial. Lord, You have deepened our love for each other in ways that will be life long and we are so thankful. I've heard that through difficult times families will either fall apart or they will unite. Thank you for giving us this opportunity to become stronger and specifically for me to grow closer with my two beautiful stepdaughters, Kaleigh and Charley. They have displayed such grace and strength through this trial that I don't think either of them realized they had in them. Thank you for challenging them to be open to your will for their lives, and impressing it on their hearts to help others because of what they've learned through this experience.

~We praise you for teaching us that we should never take for granted the small moments with our daughters. Playing dress up, making a snowman, building a tower, coloring a picture for Grandma, Emma's first precious giggles, Hailey's bedtime prayers from her own heart...these are the things that matter. The laundry can wait. The kitchen can stay messy. The cheerios can stay on the carpet for now.

~ We praise you that we can see how you are touching lives through Izzy and drawing hearts closer to you.

Lord, I'm Sorry...

~I am sorry that I've had moments of doubt and self pity. There are some days that are so hard, and instead of turning to you, I make the choice to wallow in it. I have read other stories of families dealing with OMS, and instead of being encouraged by them, I am feeling sorry for myself because I see how drastically this disease can change families. I see that there are serious limits on fun times because of the germs that can harm Izzy, how we will have to become "germ Nazis" in our house and how we've already had to change our lifestyle so much in a short amount of time. I am sorry for being resentful and even a little bit angry.

~I'm sorry that I have been worried and afraid of what the future looks like for Izzy having OMS. I have fears of her not having a normal childhood, and that because of Izzy's illness our other girls will be forced to miss out on things too. I am afraid that Izzy will have permanent brain damage and behavior problems, things like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, ADD, learning difficulties and social problems. Lord, I give these fears to you and I know that you have forgiven me for doubting you.

~I'm sorry that I've let my emotions get the best of me at times, and I've taken out some of my frustration on my husband. Tom is the best gift you have ever given to me, my heart aches that I have lashed out at him because of my own hurt. He is hurting too, and I know it's even harder for him as Izzy's daddy that he can't fix her.  

~I'm sorry that I've forgotten at times that you have given me power over Satan, and that I can prevent him from having a foothold in our lives by accepting your armor of righteousness each and every day.

Lord, please...

~Please protect Izzy from any harmful side effects from her medications and treatments these next few weeks. She will have an IVIG infusion at the hospital on Thursday, another high dose 3 day pulse of steroids this weekend, and her first IV infusion of the drug Rituximab on Monday. Please protect her from germs as we go to and from the hospital. Please keep her comfortable and entertained through the long IV treatments. Please help the medications to be successful in stopping Izzy's body from attacking her healthy brain and release her from any permanent damage. We are praying that she will go into remission quickly. 

~Please protect our home from bugs! It is so important that Izzy stays healthy because her immune system is weakened. We've been told that even a minor virus can cause her symptoms to backslide. Hailey has already been sick the past few days with a cough and fever, and we pray that you will heal her and prevent the germs from infecting Izzy. Please help our entire family to be protected from germs as we are at school and work.

~Please help the neurologists and nurses in charge of her care to make good decisions. Lord, please help Dr, Pranzatelli and his team to finish their work of developing a cure for OMS. Please free Izzy from this terrible disease as well as all of the other children who are also suffering.

~ Lord, we are pooped! Please help Izzy to start sleeping comfortably through the night again soon. We don't know exactly what is making it so difficult for her to sleep, if it is because she is having nightmares, or post traumatic stress from these past few weeks or if she just needs a little extra reassurance, but I'm hoping that Tom and I will be able to both sleep in our own bed together soon! As much as we both enjoy our little snuggle bug, we miss each other! We also pray that baby Emma will start sleeping through the night soon. There are some nights I feel like I'm being "Punk'd" and the girls are in cahoots with Ashton Kutcher to keep us up all night! Please help us to have the rest and the energy we need to take on each day with a sense of humor.

~Please continue to strengthen and mold our hearts through this journey, and help us to praise you in this storm.

Amen.

Casting Crowns- Praise You in This Storm (youtube)

This is one of my favorite songs...Praise You In This Storm by Casting Crowns. This song has lifted me up through difficult times in my life. I've been through heartache before, but this is so different. I can't imagine going though this without God by my side.